Have you ever told yourself, “I’m now making an effort with dating”?
Suddenly you’re at every party, on every dating site, trying the dating apps, asking friends to set you up.
And you’re meeting people – lots of them! Maybe you’re even going out on a few dates.
A few months of this and you land yourself into a relationship you’re actually willing to try out and see where it goes.
A few weeks or months later that relationship ends.
And you’re EXHAUSTED!
You pull back from dating efforts to recover until the next time you arrive at the thought, “I’m now making an effort with dating!”
And the cycle starts all over again.
If this sounds like something you’ve been through, may I suggest that “making an effort” isn’t enough to land you a successful relationship. Before you throw rocks at me, thinking I’m going to ask you to work harder – I’m actually not. I want you to work SMARTER.
There are patterns to your love life, not just the cycle mentioned above, but patterns you get sucked into towards:
- How you feel about yourself
- Who you’re dating
- The kinds of places you’re meeting people
These three areas could be the culprits to your bad relationships. Here are some examples from my love life:
When I was feeling crappy about myself, that’s when I landed my all time worst relationships.
When I was unclear about what I really needed in the person I was looking for – I went for the guys with the wrong qualities.
When I was in a social rut – doing the same things with the same people – I ended up dating whoever came along because I couldn’t find what I was really looking for.
It can be overwhelming to try to attack and change three areas at once, so just pick one. Here are some ideas to try in each area:
- Exercise every day – endorphins are good for your mood and how you see yourself
- Meditate – Align your heart and mind by getting quiet internally and calming some of the panic that can hit when you’re lonely.
- Get Therapy – We’ve all got baggage, work on yours with a professional dedicated to your emotional well-being.
- Review your “list” – Identify the nice-to-have’s and get clear on the need-to-have’s. Some things are negotiable while others aren’t.
- Pick your Patterns – Are you seeing similarities in who you’re dating – good or bad? Identify which patterns are leading you to the wrong person.
- Up-sell – Are there people you aren’t considering you may be perfect for? If there are, they’re likely the people you’re spending all your time with such as buddies, co-workers, neighbors.
- Ditch your friends – If you spend every weekend with the same people, try mixing it up for a few weeks.
- Try new things – Not only is it fun to learn something new, you may meet new people while you do it! Pick something you’ve always wanted to learn or do and if there’s a group opportunity to learn it – go!
- Get online – Yes there are creepers there, but there are great people serious about finding love. Try it for a month and give it a shot.
Once again, try only ONE of these things. Doing so may help you to intercept the cycle of dating you’re stuck in!
Share in the comments an idea of an area you’d like to try!