Christmas night I got a text from a client (also a dear friend otherwise I likely wouldn’t have answered).
She had received an email from a guy she’d been interested in and needed help interpreting it. After reading through his communiques, it was clear that he was keeping “Tabs” on her.
Someone keeping tabs on you is akin to leaving your fingers in one of those awesome “Choose your own adventure” novels. You’re leaving your options open should your current choice not work out. Well, that “special” someone has left you behind but they keeping a finger on your page just in case their current direction leaves them falling down a mine shaft. You’re not their first, second, or third choice, but you’re an option nonetheless, so they’ll keep track of you and dangle that flirtatious carrot even if they never have any intention of following through. They may even momentarily hook up with you to get some needs met, or meet up while they’re in town so they have something to do.
To aid you in deciding to move on, I’ve created a little check list to help you self-identify if someone’s keeping tabs on you:
- Inconsistent Communications
A text on your phone. A Facebook message. An email in your inbox. They show up at random, you respond, the conversation goes back and forth and then they disappear. A few days later you are left wondering, “What was that about?” Also, any random outreach around the holidays should also be a clear sign. If you haven’t heard from them in months guard that heart and just hit “delete.”
- Unclear Intentions
Inconsistency is one thing but just random fly-bys mentioning a pict they liked on Facebook, or messaging you randomly during the holidays. They’re conversational and flirty in tone, but unclear intentions leave you guarded but hopeful.
- Asking About Your Dating Life
Usually a move that lands someone in the Friendzone, but they’re flirty as they ask about your dating life. You’re interested in them so you aren’t sure how to respond. Should you play the game and act hard to get? Or should you just be honest and tell them dating sucks hoping they take the hint. Unfortunately…
- They Aren’t Dating You
Despite the messages, flirty tone to their communiques, and even genuine concern about your love life, they aren’t dating you-at least not consistently. Yes there may be the random hookup, but if someone disappears after a romantic rendezvous, do your own disappearing act and leave your heart in tact.
If you’re on the receiving end of this behavior and are wondering what that text meant, or hate that you feel heartbroken when he doesn’t call after a random night out, you need to know something.
They don’t want to date you.
Ugh, I hate to state it, but alas… it is the truth. So be honest with yourself, do your heart a favor and move on.